We're viewing flats next month. He earns roughly double what I do and has quietly covered more than half of everything for a year, which I've never asked about and he's never mentioned. I can afford a 50/50 split on what we're looking at, just barely. Raising it before feels like I'm making the search heavier than it needs to be. Raising it after feels like I've agreed to something I never thought about.
Put proportional splits on the table even if you end up at 50/50. "We each contribute the same percentage of take-home" is a normal arrangement rather than a favour, and it stops the higher earner's preferences quietly setting the budget.
Whatever you agree, the person paying less should still be on the lease and the bills. Contribution ratios are a private arrangement, legal standing is not.
The fact he's covered more for a year without mentioning it suggests he isn't keeping score either. That's good news for the conversation. You're probably not negotiating against someone, you're both filling in a blank neither of you named.
Add one question to the list: whose name is on what, and what happens if you split up while the lease still runs. Unromantic, takes ten minutes, and it's the thing everyone wishes they'd covered.
@two_calendars · 2mo ago · 3 replies
Before, and it isn't close. The lease is what turns an informal arrangement into a legal one, and "barely affordable" plus "never discussed" is how people end up somewhere they resent.
It doesn't need to be a summit. One evening, three questions: what do we each put in, proportional or equal, and what happens if one of us has a bad six months. Write the answer down somewhere you'll both find it again.
Doing it before you fall in love with a specific flat also stops the number becoming a referendum on that flat.
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@carryon_cass · 2mo ago
Before you fall in love with a specific flat is the line that got me. We already have a favourite and it's the expensive one.
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@emergency_fund_ed · 2mo ago
Set your own ceiling privately, as a number, before the conversation. It's very hard to hold a limit you're inventing in real time while someone you love is enthusiastic about a kitchen.
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