Lender approved a payment that is 38 percent of our take home, what did you actually find liveable

We sat at about 34 percent for three years and it was fine but joyless, in the sense that nothing broke and nothing exciting happened either. The people I know who got into trouble were not at a particular percentage, they were at a high percentage with variable income and no buffer, which is exactly the combination you have described. If you do it, underwrite the payment against the stable income alone and treat the freelance side as a bonus that fills the buffer.

Ours was 31 percent and comfortable, and the thing that made it comfortable was fixing the rate for long enough to see the childcare years out. Worth asking a broker what the fix costs you against the flexibility you give up, because that trade off is very personal and I got it wrong the first time.

Test drive it. For six months put the entire difference between your current rent and the proposed payment into a separate account you do not touch, and add a guess at maintenance on top. If that six months is uneventful you have your answer and a deposit top up, and if it is grim you have learned it for free.

Percentages hide the thing that actually matters, which is what is left in absolute money. Thirty eight percent on a large income leaves a lot of room and the same percentage on a small one leaves none, and the childcare line you mentioned is temporary while the mortgage is not. I would work out the monthly surplus in real currency for this year and for the year childcare ends, and decide from those two numbers.

Take the highest number a lender will approve as information about the lender, not about you. They are pricing their risk, which ends when the loan is repaid, not yours, which includes childcare and a freelance quarter with nothing in it.

We went in at roughly 42 percent because we were sure the income would grow, and it did, three years later than planned. In between we cancelled two holidays, ran a car into the ground and had one very bad conversation about a dishwasher. Nothing was ruined, but I would not do it again for a house that was merely nicer.