Following up on my own post because two replies have converged on the same thing and I think it changes the conclusion.
I framed this as a funding problem. Between the buried lifetime unlocks and the point about distribution, it looks more like a discovery problem. The apps exist. Some of them even have the pricing I claimed nobody offers. What is broken is that the store surfaces the ones that can afford to be surfaced.
That reframes what would actually help, and it is not another app. It is a list, maintained, opinionated, per category, with the funding model stated plainly next to each entry, including whether the one-time purchase is hidden three screens deep.
Which is roughly what this room is, when it works.