I removed my disposal after a conversation with a septic contractor and I would do it again, but the honest version is that it is a maintenance-frequency question rather than a destruction question.
A disposal does not break your system. It changes the arithmetic: more solids in, sludge layer rises faster, and the interval between pump-outs shortens — the figures people quote vary, but the direction is not disputed. If you keep the disposal and pump on a schedule that accounts for it, you are fine. The damage happens when people keep the disposal and the pumping schedule they inherited, which is the common case.
What actually matters more than any single item on your list is pumping on time, and the reason is worth understanding. Solids that stay in the tank are harmless. Solids that carry over into the drainfield clog the soil, and a clogged drainfield is the failure that costs many thousands and cannot be undone by pumping. Everything on the folklore list is really a proxy for "do not overload the tank between pump-outs".
So: composting or binning food waste, a sensible pumping interval for your tank size and household, and knowing where your tank and drainfield actually are. That is most of it.